By Michelle Dempsey-Multack, MS, CDS
Author of Moms Moving On
If you’ve found yourself going through the divorce process, it’s important to remember that this is exactly that – a process. There is no one way to get from point A to point B, so you have to find the route that feels the most comfortable and manageable for you. Here are a few tips to help you as you navigate life as a divorcing or recently divorced person:You are entitled to your feelings – all of them. As a divorce and co-parenting specialist I often have clients who come to me feeling ashamed for the fact that they’re “just not over it” yet. It’s unfair to place this kind of pressure on yourself as you’re likely unraveling years of love, pain, and everything in between. These things take time. Allow yourself to feel all of the feels of divorce; sadness, anger, grief, and relief, so that you can ultimately heal them. Journal it. Seek therapy. Reflect. You have to feel it to heal it! Be discerning with where you focus your energy. If you’re a parent, adjusting to single parenting will mean prioritizing your energy. Learn to say no to plans or demands that overwhelm you. Choose what you will or won’t engage in so that you can protect your peace and save your energy for what matters most – your day-to-day life as a divorcing person. Don’t be too shy – ask for support. Oftentimes, the people in our lives who we assume will be by our side during our most painful times simply do not know what we need or expect from them, leading to feelings of resentment or disappointment. It is perfectly okay to express your need for a little extra love and attention during this time. Ask the friends you trust most for help when you need it, to include you in plans even if it seems like you may not want to be involved and to hold extra space in their hearts for you during this time. Don’t be shy. The people who are meant to be in this new version of your life will happily rise to the occasion, just like you would for them if they asked! Stop looking at your divorce as a death. Because you are very much still alive, you deserve to have the opportunity to flip this “divorce is a death” narrative on its head. Sure, it may be the end of one chapter of your life, but the world – your world – is still turning. Look at this as your life 2.0 and an opportunity to start a brand new, beautiful life for yourself. It won’t happen overnight, but if you commit to making the rest of your life one that brings you happiness and fulfillment, it’s a huge step in the right direction.
About the author: Michelle Dempsey-Multack is a bestselling author, Certified Divorce and Co-Parenting Specialist, and divorced, remarried, co-parenting mama. Michelle works with clients all over the world and guides them through the divorce process in an informed and empowered way. Michelle helps parents put their children first and their emotions to the side in a divorce process – one of the best ways to ensure the success of your child’s co-parenting experience.
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